phantom tragedy
I never thought I'd be posting another article about this. discombobulation have arisen yet again in my ironically unorganized universe...
...this is starting to become a habit..
it's the sudden change of mind.. and heart.. that is making my world spin around in different directions. I know I still have my priorities intact and that my goal is still fixed at some degree to something concievable and realistic. But the thing here is that there are some current issues I'm having trouble with, that they might interfere with the goal I am planning to pursue. My mind and my heart are fighting (what a lousy cliche) and there's nothing I could muster up (for now) unless some blinding light from up above would shine on me and an enormous hand would emerge from the clouds.. ready to give me a good slap on my right cheek..
..wake up dunderhead..
I don't know if a 'thing' right now is a good one or the opposite. when i start to consider my own benefits, I see the situation as a successful move. but when i try to contemplate that what i've done is a wrong thing and that it meant a great sum of unfair disadvantage for the other side, i see the situation as a bad thing..if not horrendous and a big shame. so right now I'm torn between two freaking decisions I can't handle... or so i say. Sounds foolish huh? I think so too.. that's why I guess I'd let the feeling subside as of the moment.. since it requires immediate action..
When I realize that I've been a bad wolf I always whimper. People around me might not notice it unless I open up and regurgitate my feelings. I always smile not because I want to but because it's the only way to hide myself from reality and step back from the lurking fear that I might nourish the feeling of negativity. It's way easier to pretend to be happy than to explain to people what the matter is. I'm laughing because no one knows that the joke is on me. Now I'm dying inside with my pride and a smile on my face.. singing lalala..
.. wake up..