I feel really strange tonight. We had a fight thirty minutes ago. And to think that it's our monthsary today. I just can't really see where I went wrong. At the end of the fight I, again, had to step down and apologize. But this time I left with a bitter slap (figuratively). I said I'm tired.

napapagod din ako

Why is it always my fault when all the while I was the one who's trying to suppress the tension when the two of us clash tempers. Call me martyr and I'd sweep dust off your feet. I can't help but agree. I know I sometimes tend to be temperamenetal with my feelings. I can't realize where I'm going right now. It really is so ironic when things start to feel this way. My mind is full of uncertainties and the least I could do is to understand. I 'envy' those who can handle such glitches well. I'm an amateur member in this circus and there's no one to help me balance the unicycle other than my own two legs. I've had serious scratches and bruises all over me now and I can't afford to stop and give up.

I started this and I want to finish this. For that person who's always doubting me and telling me to stop, I'm afraid I have to disagree with you. I'm not tha type of person who escapes reality by conceding to the norms of the society. I'm not stupid. It's not a que sera sera situation. Reality just hit me on the forehead and I'm not planning to look away and ignore it. I would face it head on. Even if it means skinning my pride. Go ahead and stare at what you wish you've done before. I still have to crunch my knuckles. This time we oppose our point of views. You really don't know how I feel so stop pretending as if you truly care. From you, sympathy is best served cold. I may look like I need your advices now but to tell you honestly, they're not more to me than plasticity and cowardice. Empty and pointless.

Few are those who can really understand what I'm going through right now. I'm standing in between crossroads and the road signs aren't vivid enough for me to decide which move I should do and which direction I should take. I badly need to talk to someone right now. Someone who knows how to 'listen'. Closely and whole heartedly. Damn! I need a friend! SOS! or rather, SMS! Save My Sanity!